The blog of a kaleidoscopic, over-thinking, sensitive, inappropriate college student.
when I bathe in holy water
while I touch myself
down there.
My legs spread as wide as the gates of hell,
lips open wide enough
to suck on the devil’s horns,
eyebrows crinkle together as close as
his sinful soul is to mine.
God cringes knowing
I’m almost finished.
He watches as I cup my breasts
with pleasure.
You see, most men
enjoy this sight
but God,
God turns away.
It is because he’s homosexual?
Maybe,
but I’ve been told that
God hates fags.
Cut me open and see
the moths finally fly free.
One thousand, maybe two
fly out of me.
Cut me open and blow
the dandelion seeds down to my toes.
Just give it time,
for flowers will grow.
Cut me open and sail
down the blue rivers that trail
down my sturdy limbs
all the way to my nails.
Cut me open and excavate
down to my heart which is an old rusty gate
to protect the fortress
which carries all my weight.
Just cut me open and see
all the things a woman can be.
You stumble into a pitch black room.
The room smells of lilac,
like the flowers your grandmother used to grow.
You close your eyes and all you can see is a purple ocean
with purple fish and purple sand and purple waves.
A hand touches your back,
the gentle human touch you’ve longed for.
Most touches feel thoughtless and cold
but this touch is warm, real.
No words are spoken but you and this person understand
that you’re both only human,
its not much more complicated than that.
Stranger takes your hand to dance,
and the two of you make music
with the syncopation of your souls.
But since your both only human,
stranger has to go and so do you.
You walk out of the black room that smells like lilac
and go back into the world with different colors.
You go back home to your fourth floor apartment,
you reveal your naked body, vulnerable
you slip under your bed sheets.
You close your eyes. Its pitch black.
It smells like lilac.
A hand touches your back.
It’s you and me,
we’re only three.
And we build blanket forts
that aren’t blanket forts,
but goddamn castles.
Castles of the finest stone
covered in the greenest vines.
It’s the best goddamn castle ever.
We are the princesses.
We are whoever were want to be
because princesses make the rules.
It doesn’t matter that our castle will be destructed
when mom tells us to go to bed.
We can make a new castle,
a castle that will be better
than yesterdays goddamn castle.
Now its just me,
I’m twenty-three.
There are blankets on my bed,
they’re just goddamn blankets.
I don’t know when blankets started being blankets
and that game called Life,
when did that go from a rainbow spinner and tiny plastic cars
to a bill in the mail to pay for my rental car?
People tell us that blankets
cannot make castles
and Life isn’t a board game
but something that we always have to do,
and eventually we listen.
But I think we were right
when we thought that blankets
could be goddamn castles.
Oh dear me,
when I’m eighty-three,
don’t forget that life
can too be a game.
Because were here to have fun,
not just pay bills on fancy cars.
But most important at eighty-three,
is to not forget that blankets
can too be castles.
The best goddamn castles in the world.
Time ticks on.
The hands keep twisting
And the seconds keep turning.
When will be my time?
When will be my time.
Thats the question.
But, my dear, your time is here
For your time has been ticking
And it’s ticking away.
Time ticks on.
The hands have always been twisting
And the seconds have always been turning.
Tango to the ticking of your time.
I quit my job. I packed my bags. And i began my journey to Canada with one plan: get on the damn plane. I went to Victoria and Vancouver by myself for ten days, and man, what a ride that ten days was. I met some of the coolest people ever, I made friends from all over the world, I dabbled in drugs, I jumped out of a plane, and I had multiple romances. I came back from my trip to Canada with a new perspective on life. I realized how cool this life here on Earth that we have is. We have endless possibilities to create the life we desire. There are so many experiences that life holds and so many people sit vegetating in one little corner of the world when there is so much else out there. Explore the world. Meet new people. And for gods sake, love yourself.
Take me a million miles away
To a place where nobody knows me
And my only company on my
Travels is the wind in the trees
And my only guide through my
Adventure are the stars in the night sky.
Take me a million miles away.
Take me away.
Take me away.
Take me away.
I though
Maybe if I run away.
Maybe if I sprint fast and far enough
They won’t catch me.
I thought
Maybe if I hide.
Maybe if I feel the haze of the drugs enough
They will dance with me.
But eventually
I started getting tired of running away,
They caught up with me.
The drugs started wearing off,
They stopped dancing with me.
So now
I’ll stop running.
I’ll stop hiding.
I’ll sit here and play with my demons.
Sometimes we forget we are young
And let the demons get the best of us.
But like the sun grazing the horizon
For the first time early in the morning,
We are still new to this intricate world
And we are here to shed some light on it.
Take a break from dancing with the demons
And light the world with your young energy.
Because we have time to fuck it all up
And change the world one mistake at a time.
Post punk is super underrated as a whole
Thoughts Behind a Smile 