God hates it

when I bathe in holy water

while I touch myself

down there.

My legs spread as wide as the gates of hell,

lips open wide enough

to suck on the devil’s horns,

eyebrows crinkle together as close as

his sinful soul is to mine.

God cringes knowing

I’m almost finished.

He watches as I cup my breasts

with pleasure.

You see, most men

enjoy this sight

but God,

God turns away.

It is because he’s homosexual?

Maybe,

but I’ve been told that

God hates fags.